I haven’t blogged anything personal in quite some time… in fact, I’ve made a conscious effort not to. Sometimes when we’re going through painful and extremely personal moments, the easiest thing is to keep it inside. Not share it. And that’s where I’ve been. But, I’m going to venture out of my comfort zone and actually share a journey of struggles I’ve been facing.
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for almost 2 years now – uncessfully. Within these years I have dealt with a wide range of emotions: excitement & disappointment, hapinness & fear, optimism & dispair, encourage & discouragement, anticipation & pessimism, happiness & anger… the list goes on.
All these emotions accompanied by endless doctor visits, tests, shots, and more shots, and did I mention tests? Yes, lots of em! There have been weeks when I saw the inside of my Dr’s office more than I saw the inside of my kitchen (well, that comparison isn’t so difficult to imagine for those of you who know me). And times when I honestly just wanted to give up!
And that’s why I chose my One Word as HOPE.
Because that’s the one thing I cannot loose!
Being 40, I know the odds aren’t exactly with us. I hear the percentages and do the math. I read the articles and look at the numbers. Egg counts. Hormone shots. Ultrasounds. Blood Tests. They all become way to close for comfort, yet a constant reality.
And yet, in the midst of uncertainty, I need HOPE.
Hope will keep this miracle alive. Hope will give me that glimpse of what I cannot see. Hope will bring me and my husband closer to our dream.
And while somedays, my level of HOPE is closer to 0 than 10, I have to remind myself that no matter what, I cannot lose it.
So, here’s to my year of HOPE…. and hoping that HOPE pays off in the end!